This cannot be happening again.
“Takiyah’s” mind was spiraling as she looked at the positive pregnancy test in her hand. One little sign held so much weight. Who knew? Takiyah did. Having been through pregnancy just a couple of years prior, she was no stranger to the physical and emotional toll of carrying life inside of her.
She loved her young daughter very much, and the nine months of pregnancy were manageable. It was the months that followed the birth that were dreadful.
Postpartum depression was a burden she couldn’t bear alone. She constantly felt sorry for herself, her child, and the life she felt she was failing to give. She wanted to be a strong mom. A selfless one. A graceful one. But Takiyah felt she was anything but that. She felt everything, and that was overwhelming. Not to mention the sleep deprivation.
She was afraid.
Afraid to feel so much that she would break for good this time. Afraid she might crawl down a dark hole and not come up this time.
For these reasons, Takiyah considered abortion.
Maybe I can avoid the pain before it starts?
Takiyah searched online for nearby abortion clinics. She wanted more information on what the process entailed.
Finding Human Coalition’s number, she called. To her surprise, she found a kind nurse on the line who was empathetic to her situation.
Takiyah learned about the different types of abortion and their procedures. She didn’t want to admit it out loud, but she was disturbed by some of the things shared. After the nurse went over information about abortion, she shared the other options available to Takiyah: parenting the baby herself or choosing adoption. Takiyah realized she needed more time before making a decision. Before hanging up the phone, she agreed to a free ultrasound appointment.
She shared the news with her boyfriend, and he encouraged her to keep the baby. He knew what a great mom she was and didn’t want her to make a decision that she would regret.
But Takiyah told herself that he just didn’t understand. In addition to the fear of postpartum depression returning, she worried that having two children would prevent her from completing her master’s degree. She worked so hard to get to where she was today. Caring for one child and pursuing her degree was quite a load. How was she to manage two?
Takiyah thought of the one person she knew she could turn to for sound advice: her mom.
It was during the conversation with her mom where she was reminded that her plans of finishing her degree were just delayed, not denied.
Returning to school was always an option. Her degree would be waiting for her. But this child inside was a decision she needed to make right now. This little life was waiting for an answer.
Days later, she found herself lying in a reclining chair as the sonographer rubbed some jelly on her stomach. Takiyah found herself looking at the little stretch marks from her previous birth, thinking about the life of her first baby and wondering about this one inside.
She willed herself to look up at the screen and saw the life inside of her, wiggling around and active.
Hearing the heartbeat, there was no denying that life existed and if she were to go through with the abortion, she would be terminating that life.
She felt a tear stream down her cheek as she listened.
“Would you like to know the gender?” the sonographer asked.
Takiyah’s curiosity spiked. She nodded her head yes.
“You’re going to have a daughter.”
Another little girl.
Takiyah immediately wondered if she would be enough for her. As she left the ultrasound appointment, she recalled what the nurse said, assuring her that she could parent well and that there were people in place to help and resources available. She believed those words to be true. She had to. Because now the idea of aborting her little daughter seemed unthinkable.
A couple weeks later, Takiyah called the same number she’d called when planning to abort, now calling to say she was keeping her baby. She was choosing life.
Throughout her pregnancy, Takiyah participated in the Continuum of Care program, our long-term assistance program for women walking through unexpected pregnancies. Takiyah remained in consistent communication with the team and stayed encouraged throughout her pregnancy and after birth.
During her daughter’s anatomy scan, Takiyah experienced a scare. Her baby’s heart needed some attention, and questions arose not only in her mind, but in the minds of the medical staff. Upon delivery, her daughter would need open heart surgery. Takiyah prayed that she would make it to full term so that her daughter would be as healthy and strong as possible.
The prayer was answered, and Takiyah made it to full term with her baby. Her daughter still needed the surgery and had to stay in the hospital for days following. Determined to breastfeed, Takiyah remained committed to pumping milk for her baby.
The surgery was successful, and Takiyah’s baby is doing well!
Throughout all this, Takiyah was worried about postpartum depression returning. The Continuum of Care team monitored her closely so they could stay ahead of it. She had supplements and medication on hand if the depression were to occur and become out of her control. Takiyah felt encouraged to reach out for help the moment she felt overwhelmed or that parenting was all too much.
Takiyah found great comfort in being a part of a community that was not only interested in caring for her baby but for her family as a whole. Her favorite part of the program was “having an outside voice to talk to about things and not feeling judged.”
When asked what her advice is for other women walking through unexpected pregnancies, Takiyah says to “give yourself grace and time to make the decision.”
Each month, Takiyah received material assistance for both of her children, such as diapers and wipes. To some, that may seem small, but to Takiyah and her family, having some of the essentials provided was a godsend.
Takiyah still visits us for monthly maternal assistance and to say hello! Her baby is growing beautifully, and we are so proud of the mom she is.