As someone who stands for life, you may have asked yourself the question, “How do I talk to my friends and family about abortion if they’re pro-abortion?”   

I believe every person who is pro-life should feel comfortable having this conversation and confident in sharing their beliefs. 

This article will highlight common ground between those who are pro-abortion and those who are pro-life. Finding shared values between differing perspectives is crucial — it creates space for meaningful dialogue and the opportunity to present truth more effectively. While it is ultimately God’s role to change hearts and minds, our responsibility is to raise awareness about the reality of abortion and the sanctity of life. If we do that faithfully, we’ve done our part.  

Caring for Women Is a Priority 

The largest common ground we share is that we both care for the woman.  

Many pro-abortion advocates believe the pro-life movement only cares about the baby — but that’s simply not true. We believe all life is sacred, including the mother’s life. If both sides truly care about women, then why support something as physically and emotionally harmful as abortion? 

Pro-abortion advocates believe women need abortions. Whether the mom is a victim of rape, poverty, or less than ideal circumstances, they believe it’s good to give her a choice if she becomes pregnant. However, abortion hurts women.

The science is clear: There are various negative effects of abortion for women that may include a weakened cervix, further pregnancy complications (such as preterm birth), and an increase in mental health issues. Post-abortion, women have an increased risk of reproductive tract infections (RTIs), including pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), especially in settings with inadequate infection control.  

76% of Human Coalition’s abortion-seeking clients say they would prefer to parent if their circumstances were different. Shame and regret are common emotions moms feel after aborting their child. Here is just one of many heartfelt messages that have been posted on Human Coalition’s abortion memorial wall:  

“To my angel soul, I am so sorry, I became the most selfish person in this world. I choose the world first over you. I deserve what I am going through now. My heart is bleeding to see you go. Guilt and tears, is all I have left.” 

Abortion isn’t a solution — it often leads to even more problems. 

Taking a Life Is Morally Wrong 

Pro-abortion advocates also tend to agree with pro-life advocates that taking an innocent life is wrong.  

The question is whether the preborn child is an innocent human being or not. If he or she is, then he or she is entitled to the same protections as any person who has already been born.  

To show that the preborn child is a fellow member of the human family, you can use what’s called the “SLED test.” 

SLED stands for size, level of development, environment, and degree of dependency:  

• Size: The size of a preborn child (the smallest human) does not disqualify one from life. Would we kill a 3-year-old because her body is not as big as a 13-year-old? 
• Level of Development: Would we kill a 3-year-old because her body is not as developed as that of a 13-year-old? Even more, how much more developed is a 23-year-old than a 13-year-old? Is the 13-year-old worthy of less protection because he or she is not fully developed yet? Development of a human is not a basis for killing. 
• Environment: A preborn child’s home for a short period of time is the mother’s womb. How does changing one’s location make him or her human? When a mother gives birth, her child’s environment changes from the womb to the “outside world.” But he or she is still the same child outside the womb as he or she was inside the womb moments before. 
• Degree of Dependency: Newborns and toddlers are very dependent upon their parents, just as the preborn are while inside the womb. Disabled adults and the elderly are also dependent on others. Could you justify killing a newborn or a grandparent because of his or her dependency on others? 

“Laci and Conner’s Law,” also known as the “Unborn Victims of Violence Act of 2004,” recognizes the preborn baby’s worth and provides them justice. Under this law, if a pregnant woman is killed, the accused party is charged on two different federal counts for killing two humans. 

 The law states: 

“In this section, the term ‘unborn child’ means a child in utero, and the term ‘child in utero’ or ‘child, who is in utero’ means a member of the species homo sapiens, at any stage of development, who is carried in the womb.” 

This law honors the most innocent among us as it reveals the truth: Preborn children are valuable human beings. It’s wrong to take their lives.  

Health Care Is a Necessity 

Lastly, we can all agree that good health care is a necessity.  

Those who are pro-abortion say that “abortion is health care.” The focus here is on the mother. If she is in any danger or in any medical crisis, the protection of her life comes first. 

And indeed, pro-life laws consistently include language clarifying that nothing in the law should be construed as an obstacle to women receiving any necessary medical care. 

The Charlotte Lozier Institute reports:  

All pro-life state laws allow doctors to exercise their medical judgment to treat women with pregnancy emergencies. The laws include definitions of what constitutes an abortion as well as exceptions, and a plain reading of these laws’ language shows that no pro-life state law prevents a doctor from providing needed medical care.  

The cons of abortions and their side effects are rarely discussed and often not known by moms seeking abortion. Abortion causes the weakening of the cervix, increasing a woman’s risk of pre-term deliveries. “Two recently published studies indicate that one induced abortion increases the risk of a subsequent preterm birth by between 25% and 27%. After two or more abortions, a woman’s risk of preterm birth increases by between 51% and 62%.” 

Killing a woman’s child is not health care; it attacks the child’s life and the mother’s dignity. 

God’s in Control  

When having a discussion with someone who is pro-abortion, aim to find common ground. Touch on the three areas discussed above: 

1. Caring for women is important.  
2. Taking a life is wrong.  
3. Everyone needs good health care.  

Provide truth and allow time and space for them to ponder and think over what was said. Our job is to bring awareness to the dark reality of abortion. It’s God’s job to change hearts.